Tackling Difficult Conversations

Introduction

Childminding UK has been supporting childminders for over 30 years. Formed in 1991 by and for local working childminders in Northamptonshire, we now support childminders across the country. A registered charity, we are the only national organisation that solely supports childminders and we have recently achieved the Princess Royal Training Award for ‘Ensuring high quality childcare through training and support’. All staff are experienced childcare professionals and have been childminders themselves and our trustees are working childminders or have knowledge of childminding, so we have a good understanding of the sector.

People who work in early years understand the importance of a strong partnership with parents to ensure the best outcomes for children and enabling them to reach their full potential. Because of this, when it comes to needing to have difficult conversations with parents, there is often concern and anxiety around how to do this so as not to damage that important relationship.

This blog will not look at making those conversations easy, but it will give you the opportunity to understand the need to plan and then approach the conversations in a structured way to make sure the situation is constructive and effective so as to encourage better outcomes.

What do we mean by a difficult conversation?
Difficult conversations are often ones that might cause division or offence if not approached in the right way. Opinions may differ between the two sides and the subject may evoke strong emotions or cause denial. For example, discussing a child’s behaviour or their development levels.

When we start to consider how people may react it is easy to see why you may become anxious about having these conversations and want to protect yourselves from possible conflict by avoiding raising the subject. This, however, would result in not keeping children at the center of our practice and potentially may result in the needs of the child not being provided for effectively.

What would happen if we decided not to have a conversation?

• Parents may not be aware there is an issue
• Parents might know there is something wrong but might not know who to approach to seek help
• Parents might just assume the issue is just being dealt with by the setting and they do not need to be involved
• Other settings or professionals in the child’s life might pick up on the issue and wonder why you have not raised it yourself
All of the above will result in the child not getting the support they need to help them reach their full potential

Communication is key

Being able to communicate effectively is a skill and essential when needing to address subjects that may be awkward to raise. Being able to communicate effectively allows you to share information clearly, listen to what the other person has to say and helps you show you are sensitive to their needs and feelings.

Effective communication includes the following:

The language we use – can the other person understand us?
How we speak – we need to be clear (avoid using acronyms and slang words)
How we present ourselves – body language and facial expression
Being able to adapt to different situations
Asking open and closed question to gather further information
Take time to listen to what the other person has to say
Written information that can be taken away and further studied.

Take control of the situation

When arranging to have a meeting with a parent it is essential that you appear to be in control of it.

Talking quietly, mumbling or not being clear while fidgeting, avoiding eye contact or talking/laughing nervously will have a negative effect and parents are likely to believe you are not confident in what you need to say.

A person who welcomes a parent with a warm smile, displaying positive body language, keeps good eye contact and speaks clearly at a good pace will give the impression that they are prepared and confident in what they wish to discuss.

Preparation is key

Ensure you take the time to think about what you want to share with parents, why and what are you hoping to achieve.

Gather any documentation such as their development file and monitoring information that will clearly show a delay or concern regarding a child’s development or behaviour, and any notes you have on how you have been supporting the child so far and if that support is working.

Key things to consider when having a positive conversation/meeting

Conversations with parents whether they are casual or official should be tackled sensitively.

When asking for a conversation / meeting you should always explain in brief the topic that you wish to be discussed. This should be followed up with something in writing so that the parent can refer back to it later. By explaining what the meeting is for, it should alleviate any fears they have of the unknown and allow them the chance to prepare anything they wish to add or discuss too.

Choose a time that is convenient to both of you to ensure you are not going to have to rush or be interrupted.

Refer to your written documents to back up what you are trying to convey and allow parents copies to take away where possible to study further once the meeting is over.

Consider if you need to get written information interpreted into parents first language if it isn’t English or potentially have someone to interpret for them.

Make sure you talk clearly and use words that can be understood and not misinterpreted.

When talking to the parent be sure to highlight the child’s strengths not just your concerns. Only looking at the negatives can be counterproductive.

Think about the situation the parent is being put in and empathise with them and their situation. This will help you consider what response might be appropriate or comforting in that particular situation. Empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another and understanding how they feel. This is different to sympathy, feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for something another person encounters. Parents will not want sympathy, just that you try to understand their situation.

Ensure parents have the chance to have a voice and ask questions and show that you are listening and taking their view onboard.

Always end the conversation or meeting with an agreed plan that includes next steps, and when, or if a follow up should be arranged. This stops parents second guessing what happens next, and feeling they are not involved or valued.

Always follow this up with something in writing to show what was agreed and what will happen next.

When a parent does not accept your concerns

There can be many reasons that a parents might not accept concerns that you have regarding their child e.g., if you believe their child has SEND.

They may be worried about what that means for themselves and their child going forward.
They may not understand what you have told them
They could be worried about what others might think
They may blame themselves and think they are at fault
They may have no concerns regarding the child themselves and therefore believe their child is fine
They believe other children/ parents are picking on or bullying their child.

What might help in these situations

Having documentation and evidence to share may help strengthen what you are trying to tell them e.g., highlighting the gaps in a child’s development.

Having some prepared and useful information relating to the areas you are concerned with, support services available and the support you can offer. Just be careful not to give too much information that might overwhelm them.

Make sure you do not fall into the trap of diagnosing anything yourself. Your role is to provide small steps and strategies to support their child.

Give the parent time to take away the information so they can read through it in their own time before arranging a further meeting to discuss any questions they have.

You could contact Early Help for an “unnamed child” discussion and ask about strategies to address the situation or using a different approach to talk to the parents.

Always remember confidentiality and that information should only be shared with people to who need to know to support the child and with the permission of the parent.

Strong relationships and regular and consistent communication are key to minimising the distress of a difficult conversation for both you and the family. It is very likely that you will have some challenging situations that you need to work through with a family and the better prepared that you are for them, the better the outcomes will be.

To find out more about Childminding UK or to get in touch - childmindinguk.com

The information in this article is provided by Childminding UK and does not represent Morton Michel.